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[28 Nov 2007|08:36pm] |
i'm settling for someone because for some reason, I'm not with you
and it's probably one of the most stupid decisions that i've ever made.
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[25 Oct 2007|12:39am] |
so they put delaney to sleep this morning. and i'm really very sad about it. and i just needed to write that down somewhere.
and i miss her. so very much.
'night.
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[11 Oct 2007|02:05am] |
I believe that you cannot deny the existance of someone in your life. Regardless of the terms that you part on or the circumstances to which you now subscribe, you cannot pretend that they were never there or that the years of memories are simply dreams or in fact, nothing at all.
It is natural for people to grow up and to grow apart, and for things to end. But to deny that any of it ever really happened? This is the same as erasing a complete chapter of your life, because your friends and the people that you meet make you who you are; they have a profound effect on who you become. You would be a completely different individual, had it not been for these meetings, interactions, and friendships. You wouldn't be you.
Few things are actually built to last; statues crumble, dresses disintegrate, half of marriages fail. Nothing has to be forever. But the past cannot be denied, nor can history be forgotten, for this is how we learn, and this is how we grow.
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[26 Sep 2007|10:32am] |
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hey- whoever's out there that still reads these things, go check out the Jena 6 and spread the word.
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[05 Sep 2007|01:11am] |
i really don't use this thing anymore, but i need somewhere to write down what i did. i hate this. ive never felt so horrible in my life; ive never done anything i've regretted before, and now i know why. i made a huge mistake- one that i can't take back or fix. and i really hurt someone, and the worst thing is, i dont even know why i did it. but i messed something really good up, and its not fair what i did to him, and i've never been so sorry about something in my life. and he wont talk to me anymore; he doesnt want anything to do with me. granted, i deserve that, and to be treated a whole lot worse, but i can't get past this. i really honestly jsut need someone to hug me and tell me that it's going to be ok, even though i know it's not, and i know just how badly i screwed up. i'd give anything to fix this, guys, i really would...
i'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
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[19 Apr 2007|05:33pm] |
i think i just got into a fight with my best friend, for the first time
and i found out that she can break my heart like no one else can.
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[27 Jan 2007|08:45pm] |
don't go.
stay here with me.
i'll miss you too much.
please, don't go.
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[16 Sep 2006|05:44pm] |
i didnt know what to say when i saw this.
<3
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[19 Aug 2006|07:23pm] |
i miss the brians more than i could ever imagine.
i wish i was from minnesota.
i feel like a tramp.
and fuck the second grade.
<3
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[02 Mar 2006|11:23am] |
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btween numb and crushed |
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hey. um, so i've been looking forward to the DC reunion since the second we found out about it at the farewell dinner in November.
and i, uh, just found out that i can't go.
it's kinda hard to process right now.
kinda hard to breathe.
askjhd;avlk..
i miss them.
more than i say
and more than i can explain to yall
it's like leaving all over again
except no one;s here to say goodbye, and chloe and i aren't in the airport
and im starting to forget the way people's voices sound.
and maybe a few of the places we went are fuzzy.
and i dont have enough pictures, because they dont show all the best moments.
i miss the bus rides. and sneaking out, and waking up early in our freezing room and seeing the guys outside running.
i never found out what their names were.
i miss seeing jorge and nate and john and mike jumps everyday. i miss my roommates, and adam being all jittery.i miss meeting new people everywhere i went, even on the way to the airport to fly back home. even miss how nate and i would get sour milk everymorning and laugh about it. miss feeling real-how there was nothing to hide there, nothing to stop you from being who you truly are.i miss ryan, too. and ellis, and how we'd laugh over his last name.
and a lot of us don't talk anymore.and i never got info for a lot of the people i got so close to. and i know im probably not gonna see most of them again, and im not going to colorado to learn to ski with ellis, or have and edison reunion with bailey and the crew in texas, or go out to cali to see madison, ashley, and cathlein. zac and mike dont even live too far away and i dont know if we'll ever hang out. hell, brett lives in westchester and i know we're never gonna do anything. holden said he's coming over here from colorado to see all the NY/NJ kids.that'll be nice.
blake would never smile for me. jorge proposed to me. i branded tony on the forehead, and mike jumps insulted me 12 times in less than an hour, and switched up my bangles for every insult. shyan tried to teach my spanish.amanda's ketchup exploded all over me. stephanie made some point, comparing democracy to strawberry ice cream, and some guys gave her some as a goodbye present. i said goodbye to nate 1587391238402 times, and it still wasn't enough. i never said goodbye to kevin.nile and i bonded on the bus ride from the airport, and ryan got my jokes.i liked his necklace, and rob and i were sandra day o'connor for a day.
it's funny, the little things you remember.
im scared to forget.
i love you guys.
just wanted you to know.
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[07 Dec 2005|04:00pm] |
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no day but today- rent |
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ok, so everyone gets an entry or a time where they just let something out, right?
this is mine.
dont freak on me, k?
if you dont want to hear a guy-rant, then skip to someone else's entry, please.
so now that yall have been warned:
im an idiot. one thing that i really hate about myself is that i dont take chances. i think about the whatifs and maybes and reprocussions before anything ever starts. which totally blows. dont ever do that. like, i preach doing one thing, but yall, im such a coward. i never do it myself. when i do it feels great, but getting started is just so damn hard. ps- if any guy out there is reading this, dont flirt with some girl and lead her on and whatnot if you dont mean it. cause that's not fair. and it hurts more than if nothing had ever happened at all.
im not the girl that you're looking for. stay with her! if she makes you happy, then go! im not a substitute for when we're out and she's not there. we're two entirely different people, and for a minute, you had us both.
i give up, ok? i can only act like a fool for so long.
and you know what else?
i'm ok.
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[23 Nov 2005|05:19pm] |
well it's been a good few months since i've updates...i guess yall can say that the lj fad has fizzled and died. wow, i just got the most spectacular image in my head when i typed that. mrennehmrennehmeh.
ok, so im obviously home from dc, but things are weird. im different, and i know i am. not necessarily in a bad way, though. and like i've told like everyone...i had the time of my life. i can't even put it into words. but it doesn't seem fair how i spent so much time with these people (like 14 hours in the same room, straight, with our group) and now i'll probably never see them again. sure, there;s a chance...but it's a small one. why do we all have to live so far away? and another thing was, i got out of here for the first time, really. i've never gone away, anywhere, by myself. and i didn't think of home once. ever. (well, maybe when bri and manny called, but that;s it). and what really sucks is that i didn't get the sn's/addresses of the two people that i miss most. mreh. well, at least i have one number.
ok, that was a pointless entry. ic an't even get my thoughts to go straight, let alone anything i write.
i'm gonna call nate later. cause i miss him.
too bad i suck at talking on the phone.
tangerine,
-mk
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| what i have learned so far |
[11 Aug 2005|10:04pm] |
ok, so in recent months, here's what's i've learned thus far:
-not all taxi drivers are bad. especially young ones from pakistan. =]
-never pass on a chance to dance.
-penpals are so not over rated.
-youth groups really aren't that bad.
-people chance. you, yourself, change too.
- bread crusts supposedly make your hair curly.
-i want out of mahopac.
-don't put off summer reading. ever.
-why people are afraid of dentists.
-this doesn't matter: there;s so many things we don't know.
-golden's bridge has the coolest people, and some really awesome guys.
-be a child. never grow up.
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[24 Jul 2005|08:50pm] |
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jazz |
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ok, so we're all going on and on about how ___ and ___ are no longer friends. or you/me/ anyone is no longer friends with [blank], blah blah blah. ( so here's my bit. )
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[18 Jul 2005|08:28pm] |
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work- jimmy eat world |
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hey guys. found the momolouges that we wrote in english for our final (emailed them to myself. woohoo.), and felt like posting. they're from the chairs. so if you're bored, read and comment. i send my love.
( my attempt at absurdism )
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[05 Jul 2005|05:52pm] |
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tapestry =] |
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hey y'all!
i'm in NYC, as some of you know, but i'll be back on friday night (got work on saturday morning- woot.)so we got here sunday afternoon, and i was mildly dreading it (joe fish would kill me for that), but damn, i was wrong.
hmm...let's see...we haven't even been here three full days, and already i've : seen "25th annual putnam county spelling bee" (got cheap tickets in the lotto draw- 2nd row, right next to the stage, bitches!), fallen on the sidewalk, and OMGOSH!!! we went to go see the fireworks last night with my uncle joey (whom some of you know), and another christian brother, gabriel, and his mommy, ruth (sooo sweet). so we stopped to ask a policewoman a question, my fadge recognized her, and realized that he once worked with her sister. so she was happy and we were all yay, and she let us be special for the night (no 3b's- not like that): WE GOT TO WATCH THE FIREWORKS FROM THE UNITED NATIONS BITCHES!!! how many people can say that? none of the un people were there, which may have been a plus, becuase i was threatened with my life, should i start speaking to/yelling at any one of them. cheers, family, for trusting me. whatever. assholes they may be, but still; those people have a damn good place to watch the fireworks from. and i caught one of the papers from teh firewords. =] half of us took a taxi home, and the rest took the bus. i sat with the most elegant woman i've ever met, and we just chatted about the city. bsb's playing in radio city, y'all. great night.
and today we spent the entire time on the intrepid. incredible. truly incredible. and my family (joey included) were the funniest people there. my dad and uncle were dancing around, and fadge was pretending to be a tourguide everywhere we went. wow, that was odd- my uncle's clock (mickey, of course) just started singing. whatever. (goofy's saying, "gawrsh! uh-yuh!" kick arse.) anyway, there was that and they clapped to make the workers feel "appreciated," and screwed with their heads, and started singing "happy birthday" to one girl, celina- our guide on the submarine (saw my uncle, dad, and mom fall on their asses trying to get through those things sailors are always jumping through. fairly hilarious.). i'm not even going to try and tell y'all about everything else that happened. you know how my family is. i will leave you with this, however: it involved a harness, underpants, chicken nuggets, and a statue of what may have been a gay sailor. enough said.
so i'm off, luvs. see everyone soon!
much love,
mk
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| WOOHOO FOR FRIENDS!~ |
[20 Jun 2005|07:42pm] |
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8 days a week- the beatles |
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ok, we said that we'd all update. so here i am.
=].
i know you're glad.
mmm...james' surprise party and amanda's sweet 16 on saturday. ok, i'm a klutz in the pool. and when playing volleyball. fun to watch, though. mike saved me at james' and i'm eternally in your debt. aahaha, "you heard the man- take your shirt off." i love my guy buddies. "ain't no river wide enough..." "AAH NONONO!" brian and mike are the most fun people on earth. even if mike's going to hell. and james kicks ass. huffah!
so pam and jenna came over and we are such idiots. jenna made macaroni and cheese, and hit me over the head with a spoon, and jenn kept saying something over and over and we couldn't stop laughing. so we studied and laughed some more, but actually learned stuff! so we stole cookie dough from mom's baking bowl, and everyone ran way but pam. she was confused. WATER BEDS AND FIRM MATTRESSES AND BOX SPRINGS!!!!!!!!! haha, i'm like a kansas meadow. teeheehee. so we went in the stream and that took a bit of work with velour flip flops and no shoes, but we made it, sunk, and had to turn around. THE EXPLORERS ARE BACK! and then we all went up and took a bath. as us about that. tom and josh flipped. haha, i love pam and jenna!!
Ur DrOwNinG HeRo: but now everyone knows i can see the headlines now "Hippie , Jenna , And Bonde Bathe Together ....Do I Smell A Lesbian Romance???"
funny tommy. very funny. you're crazy.
tangerines,
mk<3
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| woah, i have an lj |
[11 Jun 2005|10:52pm] |
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reaching for heaven |
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felt the urge to update, simply on the premisis that these last two days have been wonderful.
last night was dress rehersal for the dance show. manny nearly killed himself, and told me some of teh nicest most wonderful things i have ever heard. haha, oh manny you make me laugh. "you and your sister look nothing alike." wow, we are friends for life now. and that little quote backstage, "wow guys, my finger is in my clitorus so i don't pee my pants." need i say more for the night?
and then tonight was the show. oh man. had to fix the hats, cause they fall off. a lot. off our heads. so i poked holes in mine with scissors, and then everyone was like ooer, good idea. so i hijacked knives from the room and we cut holes in the hats. hope we get to keep them. so it was time for wicked, and maaaaaajor butterflies. but we got on, and everything just clicked, and it was amazing. so much fun, and we kicked ass, and everything was just so huge and we were shaking, and oh... =] so betty was pretty not good, but tap was fun. the first was the best- no one messed up, we just stood there. except keets, of course. and we finally remembered heaven and turned in the right directions. huffah to all- it's been an amazing year. chelsmaka and keets are my lovers for watermellon and running and we do stupid things "titless!!!!" ahahahahaa, love! christina and emily- you're both amazing dancers and people, and i'm going to miss you incredibly next year. i love you both- keep dancing through your lives. <3
we cleaned the room and were happy, and then everyone had to go till next week. i got to see some of my friends afterwords. and brian, than you for my flowers. it meant a lot to me. =]
one of thE greatest days ever <33333333333333
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| i love family parties, oh yes i do.... |
[08 May 2005|07:53pm] |
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that sont that everyone knows- the one by chumbawumba |
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There is no doubt in my mind that according to everyone, their family is the most insane one around. I’m no exception to this belief. Though, in truth, I may win the battle.
So we pulled up to Kathy and Jim's house in New Jersey yesterday afternoon, the same time that Kathy's brother, Peter, was getting out of his car. So we opened our doors to exit the car and he turns around and says, "Oh look. It's the hillbillies," and walks away (He does this at every chance he gets. Needless to say, it gets old.) So my mom, setting the mood for the afternoon, turns around and announces to the res tof the car, "He's such an asshole."
Cheers Mom. And a Happy Mothers' Day to thee.
( I should tape these things and sell them to the cable stations... )
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| dusting off the livejournal, amid protests in the back of my head |
[01 May 2005|06:01pm] |
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i got life- hair |
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och, the livejournal. i have returned to it finally in a moment of rash action. or maybe i'll just blame it on that.
hmmm, i suppose a lot has happened since my last entry, though i can't recall day-by-day occurences at the drop of a hat. so...
noun fest- first time i've gone, and i had no idea of what to expect. it was definitely awkward at the beginning, considering that the sole person i was friends with was caity, and we were hanging out with a group of guys that i don't necessarily know or get along well with. damn. but whatever, it got better. some of the bands were really quite good, in my opinion (no name charlies, urban fetch, leaving the will...but i didn't stay for the whole concert). yay, we made some new buddies. one of which was in urban fetch -jim- and he dedicated a song to caitin, danielle mende, and me. turns out that aunt denise hasn't been lying to jenna, and aspritame (someone please help me with spelling) does give you cancer, so it's a plus that i don't like soda, regular or diet. but the pizza parlor was fun, and craig is one cool cat, though i think brian b is one of the coolest, most awesome people that i know, or have known. bluegrass is a sign of the apocolypse, but he plays the banjo. kihk oss. actually, he was in my dream the other night, come to think of it. och. so i ended up having quite a good time at the show. yays for that.
and now mame is finally over and played-out. i'm not sure as to whether i'm sad or happy about this, though. the drama family was strained, this time around, and no one was sure of what to do. the solution? Mahopac Drama Company has now gone communist. (joy; praz can join now, and quit the lacrosse team.) no more freedom of speech. someone wrote a poem entitled "The Mame Life," telling about how we all started out as a family and now we've all but fallen apart. and i agree with it. i did find it amusing, though, when joe took it off the wall and gave it to A and Madame Bruno. let's hear it for protesting. but in the end, we all came together, and it was like old times, even if it was short-lived. the first performance was quite horrid, though the second kicked absolute bum. thank god the audience laughed at our moon dance- most of us ended up bloodied or bruised from it. the third and final show was alright, not nearly as good as the night before had been. but let's face it: the show is boring, and a "great performance" can only be so tolerable. i say we retire the entire thing. this was the first show i've never really been attached to, and it saddens me because i've never been so close (in a play) with other people older than myself. our seinors of this year were so much different from "the seinore"- mike, joe, jen greene, renn, joe, erica, cara, and all the seinors of my freshman year. we love them still. so here's to the the class of 2005- we love you all, and thank you for all you've done for us.
thought of the day- should you really plan ahead, and take the time to make a plan of what you want to do for the rest of your life an such, or is the drama child's bible (bohemian rhapsody) right; does anything really matter? should we live life, one day at a time, no day but today and all that? cheery-o chaps
as expected, no reply to the letters written regarding Darfur and Free The Children. dammit. we're still going to try and start a chapter of FTC here at MHS, though i dont know how many kids are willing to participate. i'm reading the book about craig kielburger's trip to southeast asia, and all that he saw there (he was the one who started FTC- he was 12 when he started it, and 13 when he went to asia). it's horrible, it really is. and it's such a huge issue, but why do we learn and hear about so little of it? there are millions of child laborers all over the world, making shoes, clothes, cheap goods, fireworks, and all sorts of other products that we use or buy every day. children are sold at young ages (sometimes at 8 and younger) into the sex trade, and are exploited for quick cash. what the fuck. if we boycotted goods made by these children, we'd be deprived of many everyday objects, and be thrown into a trade war. is there any way of of it? :sigh: it's so screwy. and until a few days ago, i didn;t know that converse was owned my nike- which uses child laborers to make their shoes. ah well, no more converse for mk.
ok, i don't care what the counselors at school- college searching and researching and all that wonderful shit is stressful and scary. i wonder if i'll be smart enough to get into anywhere that's good, or if i'll turn out to be a good person. oh flip, this could go on forever. i'll spare you the agony, at least for today.
<3
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